Further Chinese Elevator Logic
My response to Chinese Elevator Logic an amusing post on the China: A Pastey White Guy’s Perspective blog.
Why do so many people have to press both up and down buttons when waiting for the lift?
“Here I am on the 10th floor. I’m going down, better press up too, just in case”
“ha ha, it’ve tricked the system, the lift going up has arrived first! I am a genius with chinese characteristics! It’s a bit full, but I shall barge my way in and be right at the front!”
“oh my, why is this lift going up, how odd, I press the ground floor button 42 times, but up we relentlessly go!”
“Oh dear, now we are on the 15th floor, lots of people want to get in the lift, quickly I cleverly press the ‘close door’ button, but one sneaky one gets in any way, and then he presses the ground floor button 52 times. Why didn’t I think of that? so I press it another 12 times, just in case”
“Oddly, the lift continues to go up! I craftily, hit the ground floor button a few times more, but still we continue to ascend, despite my new liftmate also hitting the ground floor button a couple more times.”
“We reach, the 20th floor, all the people behind me want to get out, but I know their scheme, I ain’t moving! They all rudely try and push past me, ignorant bastards, so I press the close doors button, but one of them sticks his leg in the gap, so despite the loss of face, I have to let them all push past me, but I still win, because I don’t move an inch, ha, losers!”
“15 quick presses of the ground floor button, and my liftmate and I begin to descend at last, but are stopped on the 13th floor, the doors slide open, even though I have pressed the close doors and ground floor buttons over 40 times each. So dubious looking old lady enters the lift and strikes the 20th floor butten with her sodden umbrella. Doesn’t she know this lift is going down? what a dumbass!”
“Again we stop. This time we are on the 10th floor. How strange, there is nobody waiting there? Why would the lift stop on the 10th floor, when there is nobody there. While pondering this enigma i quickfire stab at the close door and ground floor buttons 264 times, closely followed by my old liftmate doing the same, and then the old lady throws in a few dozen umbrella stamps on 20, just for good measure.”
“At last we reach the ground floor, vindicated I stroll out into the lobby! glance at my watch and see that lunchtime is nearly over, I better hurry to the office if I am going to be back in time for my afternoon nap. I spin round just as the doors slide together, undaunted I hit the up button, better hit down a few times too, just in case!”
Confusing Instructions
The English on this sign needs a rethink before calamity occurs
Don’t buy these!
goods
Originally uploaded by adporter.
Happy Road
Wouldn’t you like to live here?
manky milky
This is what this yoghurt drink looks like fresh! mmmmmmmm, mold green milk…
oops…. They did it again.
Sigh, no, it couldn’t be! Could it?
This is the second of the Obstacles in the road of Chinas development
and now the Duff Weather…
Shaun Duff is the CCTV 9 weather guy. He looks like Tin Tin and wears the cheapest suits in China.
But He rocks. He’s such a cheery chap, he even makes up for satelite TV being broken.
can’t get enuff of that wonderful Duff.
Malvinas?
In class today I noticed a Chinese map of the world, and just happened to notice The Falkland Islands tucked away in the corner, except they were called Malvinas.
Now, if the natives of an Island throw off an invasion, with the help of the armed forces of the Motherland, it’s pretty much settled that they ain’t Argentinians.
Oddly, the uninhabited island of South Georgia, also invaded by Agentina in 1982, doesn’t get the same treatment on a Chinese map.
but I’m supposed to pretend that this isn’t a country?
口 Square Drawing
I found myself drawing a square today and I noticed that I used correct stroke order as in 口 (kou)?
Giving China Money
Went to the bank of China (?????today. I have my google cheque to pay in. Now I know the form, I paid in a sterling cheque from my grandma last christmas. It’s a kerfuffle, but such a thing has been done before. So before I deposit the google cheque , I decide to pay in an odd fiver (5 pounds sterling) that I have lying around. So I hand over the bank book I got when I paid in my grandmas christmas money cheque along with the fiver.
Now I know banking in China can be a bit of a struggle after the saga of grandma’s cheque, so I went to Ma’anshan City’s main branch to avoid the nonsense of unknowlegeable staff who say no rather than face a transaction that they don’t know how to handle, such as dealing with a fiver!
So I smile hand over bank book and fiver and get it handed back to me. Wrong branch, obviously. Fair ’nuff.
Go to original branch, as instucted, hand over fiver along with bank book. Not going to happen! But they said it was okay at the other branch. Tough!
Turns out, when I deposited grandma’s cheque they had to open a sterling account that only accepts cheques. SO a simple five pound note is far too complex for that system to handle! SO to pay in the fiver I must open additional account with new bank book etc. I put the fiver back into my pocket and notch it up to experince. they don’t want my money, they don’t get it!
So on to the google cheque. US $100.28 I know thay are going to charge me 30 Yuan RMB for cashing a foreign cheque. I nod. I was ready for that.. Of course, I’ll need to open a US $ account (Cheques only) too. Yep, I know, that’s fine, go for it. And it takes a month to get the money. Cool, say I, don’t need it right now anyway!
“Please cash my cheque, in a month, for a fee of 30 Yuan RMB, and into my brand spanking new US Dollar (cheques only) bank account” I grin, knowing I have finally defeated the system and she is going to have to cash the bloody cheque, patience is all you need, and things eventually get done.
She hands the cheque back. Sorry, this is dated 27th June. It’s expired, cheques are accepted for 3 months. New to me, Cheques can be cashed for 6 months surely, but no, three months is the rule, I’m wrong, she’s right, I am defeated at last. The google cheque is worthless and this has just been a wasted afternoon!
Wait a minute, June, so July …… August ……. September….. this cheque is dated 27th June so 3 months is not until 27th September.
“Please cash my cheque, in a month, for a fee of 30 Yuan RMB, which is dated within the made up three month limit, and into my brand spanking new US Dollar (cheques only) bank account”
Well, it will take a month to cash, so one of the three months is lost there, so when we made up 3 months as a limit we meant to make up 2 months, but as you are turning an odd shade of purple, we will try to cash it for you anyway, as you are beginning to scare the other customers.
Still took the fiver home. I couldn’t face that.
How does anybody manage to invest in this country?