Further Chinese Elevator Logic
My response to Chinese Elevator Logic an amusing post on the China: A Pastey White Guy’s Perspective blog.
Why do so many people have to press both up and down buttons when waiting for the lift?
“Here I am on the 10th floor. I’m going down, better press up too, just in case”
“ha ha, it’ve tricked the system, the lift going up has arrived first! I am a genius with chinese characteristics! It’s a bit full, but I shall barge my way in and be right at the front!”
“oh my, why is this lift going up, how odd, I press the ground floor button 42 times, but up we relentlessly go!”
“Oh dear, now we are on the 15th floor, lots of people want to get in the lift, quickly I cleverly press the ‘close door’ button, but one sneaky one gets in any way, and then he presses the ground floor button 52 times. Why didn’t I think of that? so I press it another 12 times, just in case”
“Oddly, the lift continues to go up! I craftily, hit the ground floor button a few times more, but still we continue to ascend, despite my new liftmate also hitting the ground floor button a couple more times.”
“We reach, the 20th floor, all the people behind me want to get out, but I know their scheme, I ain’t moving! They all rudely try and push past me, ignorant bastards, so I press the close doors button, but one of them sticks his leg in the gap, so despite the loss of face, I have to let them all push past me, but I still win, because I don’t move an inch, ha, losers!”
“15 quick presses of the ground floor button, and my liftmate and I begin to descend at last, but are stopped on the 13th floor, the doors slide open, even though I have pressed the close doors and ground floor buttons over 40 times each. So dubious looking old lady enters the lift and strikes the 20th floor butten with her sodden umbrella. Doesn’t she know this lift is going down? what a dumbass!”
“Again we stop. This time we are on the 10th floor. How strange, there is nobody waiting there? Why would the lift stop on the 10th floor, when there is nobody there. While pondering this enigma i quickfire stab at the close door and ground floor buttons 264 times, closely followed by my old liftmate doing the same, and then the old lady throws in a few dozen umbrella stamps on 20, just for good measure.”
“At last we reach the ground floor, vindicated I stroll out into the lobby! glance at my watch and see that lunchtime is nearly over, I better hurry to the office if I am going to be back in time for my afternoon nap. I spin round just as the doors slide together, undaunted I hit the up button, better hit down a few times too, just in case!”
3 Responses to “Further Chinese Elevator Logic”
Comment from Peter
Time Mon 11 September, 2006 at 18:38
Hilarious and theraputic having suffered the same frustrations myself MANY times in China. Why, why, why!!
Comment from Phil
Time Thu 31 August, 2006 at 20:26
You could have least put some kind of warning at the start of this article mate! Something like ‘Warning,reading this may cause you to piss your pants, and laugh uncontrollably’ Then i would have waited until i got home to read it…but now everyone in the office thinks i am a complete twat for laughing outrageously for the last 10 mins… i’ll have to go and change my pants now as well.